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Do you ever wish someone could just tell you exactly what things "SHOULD" cost for your wedding? A bride-to-be named Alexa asked me about this (see below) and you're both in luck because I'm going to reveal the single most important thing you need to know about what your costs "SHOULD" be.. "Dear Stephi,   Again, thank you so much for all of your incredible tips! I am just in the beginning stages of planning my own wedding, and my biggest problem is that I'm really unsure about what I want - a big ceremony, or a small, intimate ceremony? A giant reception, or a small party afterwards? I'm just not the typical girl who has always pictured what her wedding would be like, and I guess I'm struggling with the images I've been fed in fairytales, and my practical intellect! Even though my parents are saying they're willing to spend whatever my fiancé and I want (within reason, of course), I just can't rationalize spending anywhere from $20,000 to $40,000 on one day/night! (Even $10,000 sounds like too much for one party - and I'm hardly the kind of girl most would consider cheap!)   Anyway, here's a question for you: How should the percentages break down according to the budget you want to stick to? That is, if I want a $15,000 wedding or a $40,000 wedding, is there a certain percentage each part of the process should cost? (i.e. 60% for catering, 10% for flowers, 5% for dress, 10% for invites and postage, 10% for cake, 5% for photographer, etc.?)"   Thanks again!"   - Alexa >>>MY COMMENTS: Thanks for the great question Alexa.    Now listen carefully... If you want to have a dream wedding on any budget, the very first thing you need to do is eliminate the word "should" from your vocabulary!  I don't care what any other book, web site or wedding consultant tells you, there is absolutely NO WAY to predict what the percentages or costs of anything "should" be because YOU ARE UNIQUE and your wedding can be anything you want it to be. You see, there are an endless (and I mean endless!) number of options and price ranges to choose from, and it really comes down to what you personally want, and even more importantly, what you're able to find, negotiate and achieve (more about this in my book). Bottom line:  It is "your" wedding, so act like it! If you're thinking from a "should" perspective in regards to your wedding (i.e. "should" I do this?, What "should" this cost?, What "should" the percentages be?), you're about to fall into THE TRAP of believing that the outrageous prices and policies of the wedding industry are normal and what you "should" pay! NOTE: If you want to be "normal" and get ripped off like the majority of brides do, go right ahead. If, on the other hand, you'd like to turn the tables and fire up the feisty girl in you who knows what she wants, believes the impossible is possible, and is willing to do what it takes to get it, then here's what you need to do... The questions you ask yourself (and others) are criticalto your wedding success, so you need to start replacing the word "should" with the word "could".  Instead of thinking in terms of What "should" this cost?  What "should" the percentages be? Why not try these on for size:  What "could" this cost? What "could" the percentages be?  Do you see where I'm going with this?  "Could" opens you to possibilities.  "Should" opens you to the influence of others and industry "norms". Instead of accepting that a wedding photographer "should" keep my negatives (the norm in the wedding industry), I wondered to myself if I "could" keep them so I could save a bundle on the reprints...and this enabled me to find a great photographer who was willing to let me keep "my" negatives, which also saved me a fortune! All because I wondered if I could.   Are you getting this? I hope so because it's really quite easy!  You can CHANGE your wedding destiny simply by shifting the way you think, the questions you ask, and how you approach wedding vendors (communicating at an unconscious level that you're in charge, NOT THEM!). I know because without any prior experience I planned my dream wedding and saved over $10,000 off my expenses in the process...and if I can do it, so can you!

WEDDING TIPS TO SAVE YOU MONEY!!! Article Reprinted With Permission *********** Montgomery County Sentinel Vol 148, No. 26 - January 30 - February 5, 2003 *********** 'I DO' WITHOUT THE IOU's by Caroline Hsu        It was a cake that belonged in a fairy tale, or at least on a magazine cover.   Imagine a three-layer castle of sky-blue fondant icing etched with white frosting curlicues. Inside this pristine shell were layers and layers of the most decadent chocolate cake soaked in Grand Marnier and divided by raspberry jam and vanilla buttercream frosting. Cost? Eight dollars a serving.  It's a wedding cake, so estimating about 100 people at a wedding, that's an $800 dollar cake. How can anyone get away with charging $800 for a cake? THE WEDDING INDUSTRY "Brides can expect to pay a 25 percent to 300 percent markup on any product or service with the word 'wedding' attached to it," explained Stephi Stewart, author of "Fire Your Wedding Planner!" a book explaining how brides can shop smart and avoid paying outrageous costs for wedding services.   Married about a year and a half ago, Stewart suffered sticker shock when she started planning her dream wedding. She visited countless wedding photographers, florists, bakers, and a whole host of other businesses that make up the wedding industry. What she discovered was that on her budget, she could hardly afford to have a wedding at all, much less a perfect one.   "Frankly, I think it's pretty easy for these businesses to operate in any way they please, since many could care less about earning a bride's repeat business," said Stewart. "After all, weddings are a once in a lifetime, or once in a long time, purchase. So they just gouge and move on to the next victim." Stewart said there's no secret formula to planning a cheaper wedding. Brides who want to get married and still have enough to send their firstborn to college must do lots of research, lots of negotiation, and be very creative. According to Bride Magazine, the average cost of a wedding is about $19,000, including the flowers, the dress, the photography, the stationery, the music, the rings, the tuxedo rentals, the church rental, the hall rental, the reception, the limousine, and the wedding favors.   Tack on and an additional $5,000 to $10,000 for a marriage in expensive regions like the New York metropolitan area and suburbs, the San Francisco Bay area, and of course, the Washington area. What's a budget-conscious bride to do? "It's your money, so act like it," advises Stewart. "Brides need to understand that since they're spending the money, they're in charge and not the wedding vendors." "When they're interviewing the vendors it should be from the perspective of 'What are you willing to do to earn my business? What are you willing to negotiate off your normal prices to make me choose you instead of another vendor who'd love to earn my money?' " LET THEM EAT STYROFOAM Baker Jennifer Neimiller of J.P.'s Kake Korner in Laurel was all too happy to share some cost-cutting secrets. That sky blue fondant dream cake? It's a no go. Hard, shell-like fondant icing has become more and more popular, but it's costs more than a cake with traditional, soft frosting that is piped out through a pastry bag said Neimiller. Also, the fondant looks beautiful for pictures, but once it's cut, the hard frosting fractures into hard, dry pieces, that guests are often unsure whether to eat or discard. Silk flowers, edible fresh flowers, or carefully constructed edible sugar or marzipan flowers also make a wedding cake more expensive. "I would go with fresh flowers on top," said Neimiller. Brides can ask for a basic white wedding cake with minimal decorations and then "go to Safeway or Giant Food and buy roses or whatever else they have." Most wedding cakes are charged on a per-slice basis. So if you ask a baker how much the cake will cost, they'll almost never say $750, instead they'll say $5 a guest and leave you to do the math. If you have a lot of guests but not a lot of money for cake, you can ask the baker to make a classic tiered wedding cake that fits your budget and then ask for a large, iced sheet cake as well. As soon as your cut the "real" wedding cake, waiters whisk slices of sheet cake out from the kitchen. It's the same cake, and guests have no idea they weren't served from the original wedding cake. "You can also do the bottom layer in Styrofoam," said Neimiller. Her company charges about $15 to decorate a Styrofoam cake-form that is topped with a layer of real cake. Another option is to simply go to a baker and order a beautiful cake that is not billed as a "wedding cake." PICTURE PERFECT Photography is another area where brides can potentially save hundreds, if not thousands of dollars. It's customary for wedding photographers to keep your negatives for several years and name their price for reprints. "One of the biggest rip offs is when brides pay wedding photographers thousands of dollars to shoot their wedding and then actually buy into this baloney about the photographers owning or keeping the negatives," said Stewart. "I simply found a young fashion photographer who was happy to shoot my wedding at a price significantly less than any 'wedding photographer' and who gladly gave me all the negatives," said Stewart. Wedding photography assistant Jen Merryman said that she would never go that route."I would really want some one who knows what they're doing," said Merryman. "That's just one of the things I wouldn't sacrifice on a wedding." Digital photography is another inexpensive option. Wedding photographer Vincent Reed of All About Photography in Severn uses a top-of-the-line digital camera that captures three to four times more detail than conventional film photography and is cheaper as well. "It's definitely a tremendous savings because it's not costing me anything to shoot your wedding," said Reed. He starts at under $700 to shoot a wedding, well below the national average of $1,200. Also, Reed gives the bride her proofs on a CD-ROM. "Your proofs are all done in TIF files so you already have your negatives." CAVEAT EMPTOR Many wedding vendors are honest, but as with any other business, the buyer must beware. Some bridal shops will take a bride's money and pretend to order a dress. In reality they've used the money to pay other debts and try to hold off on ordering the dress until as late as possible. Some brides end up with no dress on their wedding day. Wedding and reception halls may also call a bride and claim that another party wants to rent the same space for her wedding date. If she wants the space, she had better get down there and put down a deposit. "You have to be rich if you're going to be nice," said Drew Stewart, Stephi's husband. "You're signing contracts, doing deals. Don't make a decision because you get pushed into it." "This is the moment that women dream about their whole lives," said Stewart. "They want it to be very special, and they don't think of it as a business transaction, and the bridal industry takes advantage of it." Stephi Stewart is no easy mark. She estimates she saved over $10,000 with her bargain-hunting techniques and still had the wedding of her dreams proving once in for all that it's possible to have your wedding cake and eat it too. Hope you enjoyed the article!

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